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| Suggestion by "Mr. McMartinson" |
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November 23, 2005
Short Hills Restaurant & Deli 486 E. Evesham Road Cherry Hill, NJ 08003
Dear Short Hills Restaurant and Deli,
I am in charge of this year’s RexBanq, or Anorexic Banquet (for those of you who like to “pull apart” semi-clever half-acronym titles). I am expecting approximately 32,000 guests and will be holding the banquet in the middle of Times Square in New York. No one will mind, right? You can come, as long as you’re skinny. We’ll let you in.
Anyway, seeing as you offer your fine catering services to the community, I thought I’d give you a ring (but in the form of this letter). You see, I do not own a telephone. I am ¼ Amish, and the ¾ non-Amish part of me allows me to use this laptop. But the ¼ of me that is Amish certainly does not condone the use of telephones. Alexander Graham Bell was the devil!
This will be an easy job for you. We here at RexBanq will only require seven peas. They will be cut up and distributed between the 31,999 guests (Rebecca just called and said she can’t go). We will provide the pea slicing and pea distribution services. All you have to provide for us are the peas, and the pea transportation services. Please have them separated by tiny squares of plastic wrap, as some people are picky about which foods touch which.
So let me know if you can do this. Let’s do this! You’re invited if you are not too hefty. I’ll let you in. See you there alligator!
Sincerely,
“Ezekiel the Bubbly” |
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