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November 30, 2005
Daewoong Pharmaceutical Co., Ltd. Research and Development Office 503-1 Samgye-Ri Pogok-Myon Yongin-Gun Kyunggi-Do Korea
Dear Daewoong Pharmaceutical,
Your address is a mouthful! My hands are tired now from typing all that weird junk. But I must persevere, because I have something extremely important to tell you! I have come across a revolutionary new formula to cure the common cold! I didn’t want to share it with all of those big American drug companies, because I feared they would steal it away from me like they did with my cookies.
Here’s how it happened. I was in my garage the other day trying to fix my sister’s glue rifle when it occurred to me that the common cold might just be caused by immunodeficientizing sympathectomizers in the lower right quadrant of the knee! So I took some hydrogen atoms, and bonded them with cardboard, and then combined it with water-solubilized vitamin F. When in pill form, this formula works wonders! I had a friend who was sneezing for a whole week, but when he took this pill he was completely cured. Granted, he now has extremely severe constipation but due to my ground-breaking blend of ingredients, he no longer has a cold.
The reason I have chosen your company to share this information with is because you seem pretty respectable. I heard you’ve won your share of fistfights. And of course, you were the first pharmaceutical company in the world to develop 7 new diseases within the course of one month (so you could cure them and make money).
Please write me back, and let me know how long it will be before you manufacture my cure for the common cold! I think it should be called Heroin™. (is that already taken?)
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson |
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