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July 9, 2005
Verizon - New Jersey
Dear Verizon,
How come you have Darth Vader (James Earl Jones) in your commercials? You have him saying things like “VERIZON WIRELESS.” Shouldn’t he be trying to convert consumers to the dark side? I think you should do this. “MAKE PROGRESS EVERY DAY” should be replaced with “JOIN THE DARK SIDE OR I WILL BE FORCED TO KILL YOU.” This would attract many, many people to your company. Darth Vader is really cool. You have him doing uncool things. You make me watch him try to dance. Actually, I know that’s not really Darth Vader. It’s a Dance Double. If Darth Vader tried to dance, he’d just end up looking stupid. (It doesn’t really fit his persona)
Anyway, I think it would be great if you had him wear a Darth Vader outfit too, because people can’t know who Darth Vader really is!! They’ll try to kill him! Darth is really cool! Or you could have him wearing the black robes and a Chewbacca head, and say something like “WANNA KNOW WHY DARTH VADER HAS CHEWBACCA’S HEAD? SWITCH TO VERIZON WIRELESS AND WE’LL TELL YOU!” Then when they switch you can say “I don’t know” and take their money.
I know that if Darth Vader gave me the choice of being killed or switching to Verizon Wireless, I would most likely switch to Verizon. See? It works. You have to use this idea! You could even change the red check mark thing above “Verizon” to a Darth Vader head. I am not crazy. I am ingenious!
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson Marketing Genius!!!
P.S. Why are you guys on Broad Street? Shouldn’t it be Broadband Street? I laughed for 63 minutes about that. |
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