August 1, 2005

Mr. Tim Tower

93 Frazier Pasture Rd.

P.O. Box 837F

Ogunquit, Maine 03907-0837

Dear Mr. Tower,

Last month I went deep sea fishing with your company. Let me just say the following sentence: “Outstanding!” Now I feel relieved. Thank you.

I didn’t catch a single thing. Everyone else was reelin’ ‘em in like jellied hotcakes on a Wednesday. They were all saying that they caught such big fish, and for someone to take a picture of them with the fish. “I caught such a big fish!” they would say. “For someone to take a picture of them with the fish!”

I felt lonely. Lonely and depressed. As if fishing were Buddhism and to catch a big one was to reach Nirvana. Everyone else was becoming One With the Sea, but I was sitting there, holding my fishing rod, waiting for something to take a big ol’ bite out of that bait. (The one on my hook)

I think you guys should have a No-Disappointment policy. This policy would guarantee a big catch for everyone. In the event of a situation in which certain person(s) do not catch a fish (hereforthwhenceby referred to as “exhibit A”), a substantially large “exhibit A” will be given to said person(s) free of charge. This way, everyone goes home happy and they don’t have to lie about holding a giant fish as there will be photographic evidence.

I look forward to deep sea fishing with you in the future, and may Buddha be with you. (Try them jellied hotcakes.)

Sincerely Disappointed,

Kevin Dickinson

P.S. Do you have shark insurance? I no longer have a left leg due to a rather severe shark bite I sustained while on your deep sea fishing trip. And if so, can I take out some insurance now, and we’ll pretend I did it before the incident, so I don’t have to pay all these medical bills? Because if we can’t, the IRS is going to take away all of my assets and I can no longer go deep sea fishing with you guys. You wouldn’t want to miss out on that cash, now, would you.

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