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Suggestion by Zak Eisen |
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March 31, 2005
Office of the Governor State Capitol Des Moines, IA 50319
Dear Iowa,
Get out of our country! Enough is enough! What do you do all day, anyway? Nothing! Sit around and play with agriculture, that’s what. Well, guess what? Agriculture is probably the most boring word in the English language. Who wants to hear about it? People named “Ernest” and “Hugo,” that’s who. And people who say “reckon.”
So if you would kindly secede from the nation, that would be awesome. We’re all tired of your lazy antics and, um… tactful eulogies. Why don’t you just be like the rest of America and pave over everything? Then you don’t have to water any plants. Don’t be an assphalt.
Please let me know if you’re leaving the country. Because we don’t want you here anymore. You take up too much valuable space that could be used for say, a bigger Minnesota. (You can’t go wrong with Minnesota) Plus, I’ve never heard of anyone vacationing in Iowa. (Anyone sane, at least)
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson |
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