October 12, 2005

Toys Backward ‘R’ Us

One Geoffrey Way

Wayne, NJ 07470

Dear Toys Backward ‘R’ Us,

I recently encountered a problem in my house. You see, I believe my house is haunted. My antique furniture sometimes moves by itself. Sometimes it even talks to me. “Kill! Kill everybody!” it says. Of course, I don’t go around killing everybody but I’m still afraid of these things. The ottoman always mumbles something about a pitchfork.

I stopped by my local Toys Backward ‘R’ Us store hoping to pick up some Ghostbusters equipment, but was informed by an employee that your stores no longer carry Ghostbusters merchandise. I am extremely displeased with this experience and demand at once that you start carrying Ghostbusters equipment. (Hey, let’s be fair, my antiques are haunted.)

In fact, I learned that no one has carried Ghostbusters equipment since the 1990s. Help! My antiques are haunted! The rocker tells me to chop people with a hatchet. Do you sell hatchets?

Please let me know if:

(1)           You still have all that leftover Ghostbusters equipment up at corporate. How much you want for it.

(2)           A titmouse is a type of bird, which is neither of the two things its name is made up of. Why is this?

(3)           How many quarters are in a dollar twenty-five?

(4)           How come you don’t sell Ghostbusters equipment anymore?

(5)           My antique furniture is haunted. This is why I need Ghostbusters equipment.

Thank you, and may you have a pleasantly vicarious day.

Sincerely,

Kevin Dickinson

P.S. When you find all the Ghostbusters equipment, please keep an eye out for that thing that when you step on the switch it opens up and sucks ghosts inside like they used on Slimer. Thank you!!!!!!!

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