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December 2, 2005
Nagoya International School 2686 Minamihara Nakashidami Moriyama-ku Nagoya Japan
Dear Nagoya International School,
I was wondering if you could accommodate my needs. I absolutely hate Tom Cruise. I love all of his movies. I especially loved The Last Samurai, starring Tom Cruise. Did you ever see Minority Report? Good stuff. It ran a little long, if you ask me.
Anyway, here’s my request. I know you guys don’t officially train samurais anymore over there in the beautiful Land of the Rising Sun, but I was hoping you’d make an exception. I browsed the Internet for a full 52 seconds, scouring it for any clues as to where I would find a school that could teach me how to become a samurai. Your school was the one I found. I read about it on your site, and bravo! What a prestigious school. Whoever is reading this letter, great job!!!
I want to be The Last Samurai. Of course, I won’t be killing anybody like in that one movie, starring Tom Cruise. It’s called The Last Samurai. Have you seen it? Tom Cruise is magnificent! Even though I hate him. I thought it would be cool to be both a stealthy assassin of the sword and a poetic man of nature, one who would stop to smell the flowers, after cutting someone’s head off. I don’t want to kill anybody, though. Just thought it would be nice to become a samurai.
My current job, towel boy for an Italian pastry chef, is pointless and uneventful. It makes me want to move to Niue (it’s a tiny island in the middle of the Pacific ocean that you have to be really retarded to move onto).
How much do samurai lessons cost? How about Last Samurai lessons? Please let me know. I have heard all sorts of amazing tidbits of factual, yet subtly fictional information regarding your institute of higher learning!
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson |
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