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F.A.R.T Fair Animal Rights Tribune Kevin Dickinson Editor-in-Chief
July 9, 2005
The Stewart
Society,
Dear Stewart Society:
I am Kevin Dickinson. I’m with the New Jersey (U.S.) based but internationally syndicated animal rights newspaper, the Fair Animal Rights Tribune.
We had a board meeting two days ago and we have determined that you should leave the Loch Ness Monster alone. Why do you think he doesn’t come out? It’s because you won’t give him any privacy! A watched pot will never boil, and a watched Loch Ness Monster will never boil, jut replace boil with appear. If you were Ness, wouldn’t you want privacy? I mean, he can’t even sit back and read a magazine you’re so up in his face. He’s only appeared several times throughout the course of history, and we’re positive that it’s because of groups like yours. He doesn’t want publicity. He just wants to be a normal Loch Ness Monster with a normal life! We are inferring this based on scientific data, namely a complete guess.
If you leave him alone, he will begin to appear once again and maybe even come out of the lake, and say, go shopping in the town square.
So please leave Nessie alone.
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson Editor-in-Chief F.A.R.T |
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