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November 15, 2005
Susquehanna Patriot Bank 901 Kings Highway North Cherry Hill, NJ 08034
Dear Susquehanna Patriot Bank,
I have heard your commercials and I am convinced that I should be switching to your bank. But I have a dilemma. Being a Patriot Bank, you guys are probably nationalistic fans of America. And I am a full-fledged, 100% Confederate Loyalist. I believe in the Confederacy. I know for a fact that Jefferson Davis is still alive. I want to put my money in your bank. But I fear that you are loyal to the Union! Blasted fiends!
I am a member at another bank, and they have great Customer Service that fully “Wows” me, but I have severe carpal tunnel syndrome and I can’t open their doors. I heard Susquehanna has door-opening people for the HANDicapped. Get it? Hand? –Icapped? It’s a play on words. Get it? Huh?
Anyway, please let me know if you allow Confederate people to join your bank. I can’t open the doors of my current bank, and thus cannot access my money. Because of this, I am on the verge of living on the streets (I am on the sidewalk right now). Send me your Union membership policy.
Whenever I enter your bank, I will be carrying an 18 foot confederate flag. It keeps me sane while I live here in the North.
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson Confederate
P.S. Have you thought of changing your name to Susquehanna Confederate Bank? It has a nice ring to it. |
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