October 2, 2005

Office of the Governor

Governor Jim Doyle

P.O. Box 7863

Madison, WI 53707

Dearest Governor Doyle,

Cheese. The Green Bay Packers. Cavities. Oriental Squirrel Pot Pie. These are the things we think of when we think of Wisconsin. Yes, the beautiful Land of the Rising Sun is home to many a great American treasure. This vast land we once knew as “Spain” is full of agriculture, horticulture, and cultures of yogurt. Yes, my friend, Wisconsin is a magical land.

Unfortunately for you, it will not be so for much longer. Nay, Wisconsin, origin of the asthma attack and the Belgian waffle, will soon be overcome by a vast parking lot.

You see, I am the CEO of Pavement, Inc. (we do pavement) and we have decided that there are never enough parking spots at major sporting events, namely the Annual Spoon Chucking Tournament in Poughkeepsie. So our plan of action, namely Plan of Action NO.612 DASH b, will turn the entire state of Wisconsin into a giant parking lot. A temporary vehicular storage field, if you will.

We here at Pavement, Inc. figure that if everybody parked in Wisconsin, there’d be no more searching for a parking spot! Everybody would know to park in one place. And also, the elimination of local parking lots around the country could lead to the development of more gas stations and shopping centers, which is just the remedy for America’s ailment (pox).

Just think about it: a retired couple living in Tallahassee wants to see their star grandson’s championship soccer game. Are you telling me you wouldn’t want them to be able to make it on time because they spent hours looking for a place to park? I didn’t think so.

Please consider my proposition. And by that, of course, I mean consider moving somewhere else because our proposition goes into effect the Tuesday after you read this letter. Besides, we can get cheese from Switzerland.

Sincerely,

Kevin Dickinson

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