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July 9, 2005
Cherry Hill
Locksmith & Security Center
Dearest Locksmith,
It has recently come to my attention that you consider yourself a “locksmith.” Well, do I have good news for you! I’m going to be giving you money. This is because I have a lock that needs picking, and therefore the need will arise for me to utilize your services in the very near future.
I am locked out of my house, and I need you to pick the lock for me. This is NOT my neighbor’s house. I will NOT be asking you to open my neighbor’s front door so that I can go inside and smash his vase collection. I am currently typing this letter on SOMEONE ELSE’S computer because MY computer is locked inside MY house. I have NOTHING against vases. Do you hear me?? Nothing!! In fact, I have a vase collection myself (well, I had one at least). I did NOT smash them. They all fell simultaneously.
Anyway, please let me know how much it costs to break into the house. Actually, it’s not breaking in, since it’s MY HOUSE. Let’s stop accusing me of plotting to break all those vases now, all right?
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson |
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