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September 12, 2005
Jay Clitheroe
Piano Mover
Dear Mr. Clitheroe,
I am a pianist. I play songs on the piano for all to hear (but no teenagers). The songs that I play are the most beautiful songs in the world. They are like the fresh taste of rosebuds in the crisp air. Like the smell of sunlight refracted through the morning dew. Like the soothing sound of a rainbow.
I am contacting you to recruit your services. I would like my piano moved. You see, I am going to perform in the middle of nowhere (some may know it as “Kentucky”). People far and wide will gather to this very spot and hear the wonderful notes gracefully transcend from the piano to their glorious ears. Perhaps you have heard of my amazing piano skills. I am Kevin Dickinson, formerly of the world-famous band ULCER. However, I decided to become an independent artist due to the rest of the band’s inability to perform sober. So now I am Kevin Dickinson, internationally renowned pianist. Once you hear one of my songs, your thoughts will be as peaceful as the quiet babble of a clear stream at the start of spring.
I heard about your services from a friend out in Tabasco so I thought I’d contact you. I need my piano moved fifteen Wednesdays from next Tuesday. I need it moved to the town of Drugs, Kansas. I will give you all the details in an iron-plated briefcase as soon as you can confirm the move.
My piano is black. What do you charge for black pianos? What’s the cheapest. I am willing to paint it. I don’t have much money. Sometimes I play for cashews instead of money. MMMMMMMMM. Cashews.
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson Amazingly Amazing Pianist |
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