KEVIN DICKINSON, PRESIDENT / CHERRY HILL, NJ 08003

 

November 15, 2005

 

Lighthouse Hydroponics

13238 Steeles Avenue West

Milton

Ontario, Canada

 

To Whom it May Concern:

 

Several years ago, while laboring tediously over the massive amount of leaves in my somewhat colorful yard, I was thinking to myself, “There’s got to be a better way to get rid of all of these leaves!” I once tried installing underground vacuums on every square foot of my lawn, that would suck up the leaves as soon as they hit the ground. But then Grandma went missing and I didn’t have time to maintain them as we searched for her. They eventually got ruined by the rain. We still can’t find Grandma, though.

 

Anyway, a few months later the most ingenious idea struck me on the head and gave me a concussion. What if lawns were grown hydroponically? What if the blades of grass could be stacked on top of one another, instead of being spread out on such a vast plain? I pondered this idea for several hours and drew up the blueprint for the company of which I am now the president. Being from Canada, you may not have heard of my company yet. But soon my name will be plastered all over every billboard in the universe. Vertical Yards, Inc. is becoming so popular here in the States, in fact, that I can’t even tell you how popular it is becoming here in the States. There are so many customers each month, that they are difficult to deal with all at once.

 

You see, Vertical Yards, Inc. comes to your house and takes your lawn, and makes it vertical. Why rake that huge yard on the corner property you own? Fear not! With a vertical yard, all of your beautiful grass is still present, so you can still compete with Mr. Stevenson next door for most beautiful lawn. But here’s where we come in. The grass is stacked up, sometimes for miles (depending on the size of your yard), and thus you only have to rake like one leaf, which rests on top, if the wind didn’t already blow it off. How does this work, you ask? Well, I won’t give away the company secret, but you can hear some testimonials from people who have utilized our services.

 

“Before, I spent weeks raking my lawn! There were leaves up to my pancreas! I didn’t know what to do. Then I saw an ad for Vertical Yards, Inc. They turned my life around! Now each year when the leaves fall, I only have to rake once, and it takes, literally, 5 seconds. I now have a beautiful wife, three angelic children, and a house in the Hamptons.” –Pete F., Moorestown, NJ

 

“My lawn has always been problematic. The dirt spots won’t seem to grow any grass! But Vertical Yards, Inc. ensured that I only have to worry about 1 square inch of lawn space. It’s easy to maintain! And all of my original grass is still there, but piled high to the sky! Thanks, Vertical Yards, Inc!” –Patty H., Allentown, PA

 

You may now be wondering why you received this letter. Well, I have a business proposition to make. I visited Lighthouse Hydroponics a while back, and I was blown away! You are the best hydroponics business out there. And with all of the customers I get, I am having trouble serving them all. I want to team up with Lighthouse Hydroponics! Let’s merge our companies into one! We will make a massive profit and be the sole pioneers of the Vertical Yard. What does your yard look like?

 

 

 

Sincerely,

 

Kevin Dickinson

President, Vertical Yards, Inc.

A perfectly good business proposal down the drain...

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