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KEVIN DICKINSON, PRESIDENT
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CHERRY HILL, NJ 08003
November 15, 2005
Lighthouse
Hydroponics
13238 Steeles
Avenue West
Milton
Ontario, Canada
To Whom it May
Concern:
Several years
ago, while laboring tediously over the massive amount of leaves in my
somewhat colorful yard, I was thinking to myself, “There’s got to be a
better way to get rid of all of these leaves!” I once tried installing
underground vacuums on every square foot of my lawn, that would suck up
the leaves as soon as they hit the ground. But then Grandma went missing
and I didn’t have time to maintain them as we searched for her. They
eventually got ruined by the rain. We still can’t find Grandma, though.
Anyway, a few
months later the most ingenious idea struck me on the head and gave me a
concussion. What if lawns were grown hydroponically? What if the blades
of grass could be stacked on top of one another, instead of being spread
out on such a vast plain? I pondered this idea for several hours and
drew up the blueprint for the company of which I am now the president.
Being from Canada, you may not have heard of my company yet. But soon my
name will be plastered all over every billboard in the universe.
Vertical Yards, Inc. is becoming so popular here in the States, in fact,
that I can’t even tell you how popular it is becoming here in the
States. There are so many customers each month, that they are difficult
to deal with all at once.
You see,
Vertical Yards, Inc. comes to your house and takes your lawn, and makes
it vertical. Why rake that huge yard on the corner property you own?
Fear not! With a vertical yard, all of your beautiful grass is still
present, so you can still compete with Mr. Stevenson next door for most
beautiful lawn. But here’s where we come in. The grass is stacked up,
sometimes for miles (depending on the size of your yard), and thus you
only have to rake like one leaf, which rests on top, if the wind didn’t
already blow it off. How does this work, you ask? Well, I won’t give
away the company secret, but you can hear some testimonials from people
who have utilized our services.
“Before, I spent
weeks raking my lawn! There were leaves up to my pancreas! I
didn’t know what to do. Then I saw an ad for Vertical Yards, Inc. They
turned my life around! Now each year when the leaves fall, I only have
to rake once, and it takes, literally, 5 seconds. I now have a beautiful
wife, three angelic children, and a house in the Hamptons.” –Pete F.,
Moorestown, NJ
“My lawn has
always been problematic. The dirt spots won’t seem to grow any grass!
But Vertical Yards, Inc. ensured that I only have to worry about 1
square inch of lawn space. It’s easy to maintain! And all of my original
grass is still there, but piled high to the sky! Thanks, Vertical Yards,
Inc!” –Patty H., Allentown, PA
You may now be
wondering why you received this letter. Well, I have a business
proposition to make. I visited Lighthouse Hydroponics a while back, and
I was blown away! You are the best hydroponics business out there. And
with all of the customers I get, I am having trouble serving them all. I
want to team up with Lighthouse Hydroponics! Let’s merge our companies
into one! We will make a massive profit and be the sole pioneers of the
Vertical Yard. What does your yard look like?
Sincerely,

Kevin Dickinson
President,
Vertical Yards, Inc. |