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August 10, 2006
Domino’s Pizza LLC 30 Frank Lloyd Wright Drive Ann Arbor, MI 48106
Dear Domino’s Pizza,
I know I have been warned. But I just couldn’t “Avoid the Noid!” He followed me everywhere – down dark alleyways, through my neighborhood, and even inside my house (he went through the window). Now I am being held captive by this strange red creature. I don’t like cheese but he keeps trying to force-feed me pizza (with extra cheese!) He keeps repeating “Avoid the Noid!” over and over again, and totally ignores my claim that in order to avoid him he has to physically go away.
3:00 is torture time. He ties me up in a fluffy red chair and reads off the full Domino’s menu. Then he quizzes me, and if I get a wrong answer, he shoves 9 live crayfish down my pants. I’m sure this has never happened to you, but just as a general comparison it hurts about as much as 4 or 5 bricks being dropped on your head (3.4 seconds apart) from 20 feet in the air.
Please help me! I am writing this letter at 2:45 pm! If he finds out I am using the computer (he is currently watching America’s Funniest Home Videos in the family room and he is wearing a tutu) he will most certainly put me in the trunk of my car for a day without food. Please come to my rescue! I promise if you do I will start liking cheese! In fact, I will have Domino’s Pizza three times a day! Even four!
HELP ME!
Kevin Dickinson (The key is under the mat!) |
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