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October 12, 2006
Dish It Out 123 South Route 73 Marlton, NJ 08053
Dear Dish It Out,
I recently acquired space for my new store “Anger Management LLC.” It is right next to your store in the Marlton Crossing shopping center and I am excited to open shop in less than a month. Yes, this is a short period of time, but Anger Management LLC does not require much interior decorating. You see, Anger Management LLC is a place where people can come and vent their frustration. Our slogan is, “We buy your anger!” People walk in, do what they need to do, and leave, feeling refreshed.
Here is how our business works: a customer walks in, ready to scream! We give them a china plate or some pottery, and then they throw it at a brick wall. This releases the anger hormone known as Diethylmethyl-hepa-hydroxy-phosphoro-carbonate-6. The customer walks out feeling happy! The bigger the pottery, the more expensive it is. Anger-releasing pottery ranges from a $5.00 clay plate to an ornately designed, hand-painted $40,000.00 vase from the Han Dynasty. Yes, we have 1 (one) in stock! “How angry are you?” our associates will say. “We have small and large pottery to accommodate any amount of rage!”
Of course, I did not originally plan to be located next to your business, but it works out very well! Soon, angry people from far and wide will be coming to my store. And what a coincidence! They can go to your store and paint their own pottery, then come smash it at my store! Perhaps we can even merge our businesses and call it “Paint n’ Shatter: Do-It-Yourself Anger-Releasing Pottery.” I plan to charge customers a nominal $9.99 fee for bringing their own pottery (from your store).
I even thought of a special package deal for those exceptionally irate customers. It’s called the “Forget Your Past for $14.93” deal. After a customer orders this package, he/she can paint their ex on a plate, then smash it against a brick wall and see all the bad memories go away. Brilliant!
Let me know what you think of this proposal. As I stated before, I will be opening my store in less that a month, so take this offer while it’s hot!
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson |
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