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November 7, 2006
Aamco Transmissions 100 Frontage Road Cherry Hill, NJ 08034
Dear Aamco,
Your name reminds me of the word Aardvark. Or Aaron. There’s no need for that second “a,” and you damn well know it. By the way, Happy Voting Day! (I’m not voting)
Here is my problem: my car is currently on fire. I was wondering if you could fix it. Every day when I drive to work, I hear your slightly annoying but also partly irritating commercials saying that if I have a problem with my car, I should take it to Aamco, where the guy on the commercial knows some people. “How can I trust him?” I ask myself each time. “Maybe it’s a trap.” But now my car is ablaze and I need it fixed so I can continue to drive it to work (one of these days, I’ll drive it INTO my work, damn that Mr. Sardoon!)
I can imagine that as you are reading this, you are picturing some moron customer yelling at you. Do not get the wrong impression; I am typing this letter aggressively because a great conflagration is consuming my sedan! I know this because I went to sit in the driver’s seat this morning, and it was hotter than usual. “It’s not summer anymore,” I thought. “Why is my seatbelt buckle so hot?”
Please respond as rapidly as possible! Dante’s Inferno is happening in my car right now!
Quickly,
Kevin Dickinson |
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