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August 17, 2006
Garden Springs Laundromat 820 Lane Allen Road Lexington, KY 40504
Dear Garden Springs Laundromat,
I believe I may have left eighteen Confederate Soldier uniforms at your Laundromat. I am Kevin Dickinson, agent to Mr. Jenkins McGarty, acclaimed writer/director. Last month he finished filming the movie Confederacy 2035: The Rise of Jefferson Davis. It’s a horror movie that appeals to Civil War buffs, and it’s the first of its kind! It’s a major breakthrough for the film industry. Jefferson Davis, played by Samuel L. Jackson, rises from the dead (in the future) to kill all living ancestors of Union soldiers (just about everyone north of South Carolina). But the corpse of Abraham Lincoln, played by Tim Robbins, rises from the dead as well (but for different reasons). He marries a beautiful woman and has some children and lives in a white house with a picket fence in Pennsylvania. Now Abraham Lincoln (reborn) is willing to risk it all to save the ones he loves! I don’t want to give away the ending, but Samuel L. Jackson dies and everyone lives happily in the North (oops).
When we were done filming I brought 18 Confederate soldier uniforms, including the highly decorated uniform of SAMUEL L. JACKSON, to your Laundromat to be cleaned. I must have had something important come up, because I seem to have left the Laundromat without these uniforms.
Please let me know if you have them. They are worth a total of $400 and Jenkins McGarty needs them for his next movie (Confederacy 2036: The Rise of Jefferson Davis, Again). Don’t worry, I won’t reveal the impossible-to-guess plot. I await your response.
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson Agent to Mr. McGarty |
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