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November 7, 2006
The Pet Shoppe 316 Haddonfield Road Cherry Hill, NJ 08002
Dear The Pet Shoppe,
Ah, the extra “pe” at the end of “shoppe.” It’s very charming – it gives your business that friendly touch. Much more friendly, I would say, than my parrot Agamemnon. He is the most disobedient parrot in the world! At night he breaks out of his cage to party with the other birds in Tree 9 (it’s a bird nightclub in my front yard). He sneaks back in before I wake up, but I always know he was gone because the latch on his cage door is undone. I wasn’t born Wednesday, mind you!
I can’t get my parrot to say the things I want him to say! He sits in his cage all day, mocking me, screeching “YOU NEVER REPEAT WHAT I SAY.” Damn you, Agamemnon, and your silly little cage! You have been nothing but trouble for me since the day I got you. Even during the car ride home you had to be problematic, shrieking “RED LIGHT! RED LIGHT!” at random intervals.
I wanted to know what your return policy was. Do you have a “Customers Dissatisfied With Parrots 110% Money Back Program?” Let me know! I knew I should have bought that 2-year warranty.
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson |
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