August 15, 2006

Rail Refund Dept.

NJ TRANSIT

One Penn Plaza East

Newark, NJ 07105-2246

Dear NJ TRANSIT,

Listen, you! I’ve had enough trouble and I’m hoping this letter can settle my problems for good. On Turkey Day last year I traveled to the Granny Flemins factory to see how they manufactured Freeze-Dried Popcorn Cake. What a fascinating process! Did you know they use liquid nitrogen to give it that “smooth” taste? Probably not; you don’t seem to be very smart. Although I must give you credit for getting me there on time. (The tour was at 4:00)

I cannot help but complain, however, about a more recent incident. Monday through Friday I work at a hallucinogenic manufacturing plant, where my boss tells the Feds he’s making “jelly beans.” He slips them some cash and they go away for another 6 months. I usually take a rickshaw to work, but realized the driver is charging me $8 a day, which is a whole lot! (about 900 dollars a week) So I decided to take NJ TRANSIT instead.

I visited the ticket office for a price inquiry and realized there was also a River Line I could ride to Mother’s house. Mother likes it when I bring her sliced oatmeal on Tuesdays. I asked the ticket agent if my ticket was valid for both NJ TRANSIT and the River Line, and she told me I had to buy 2 separate ones. Of course, I had no choice so I shelled out the cash for both. But as I was traveling to work in your train the other day, I was talking with a stranger (mother can’t tell me what to do!) who said his ticket was valid for both trains.

I demand a refund for my second ticket! The ticket agent was named Angelina Hoggins. She should be fired, then written up for poor conduct! False information is the devil. Please let me know about refunding my ticket! I have hardly any money now and I have a Freeze-Dried Popcorn Cake craving I can’t fulfill with an empty wallet.

Choo Choo!

Kevin Dickinson

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