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I recently received this so-called
"life-changing" information packet in the mail. Since I hate junk mail,
I decided to write back. |
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August 1, 2006
D.M. Bashor, Founder Natural Choice 5700 Buckingham Parkway Culver City, CA 90230
Dear D.M. Bashor, Founder,
I’m not quite sure how I acquired ownership of these nine fine companies, but what I do know is that I do own them, as shown on my official business card. One thing that troubles me, however, is that Oreo is not a company but rather a delicious cookie owned by Nabisco. Still, it is delightful to take part in anything Oreo-related. Aquafina is also owned by Pepsi (but let’s not get technical).
I am writing this letter to let you know I will see you in court soon! As the new owner of seven companies, some bottled water and a cookie I demand compensation for you printing the names of these seven companies, bottled water and cookie a business card. I did not give you my express consent to reproduce these names in print, so I don’t know why you thought you had the authority to do so. These names now belong to me, as described so well by the word “OWNER” on my business card.
I plan to sue you for $1,000.07 for each name printed on the card. This comes to a grand total of $9,000.63. You better have your checkbook ready! Because that judge is going to tell you to PAY UP!
With my $9,000.63 I will send out mailers like yours telling people how they gain massive amounts of money just by suing people like yourself! It’s easy, just read the brochure (“Home SUE: Proven Home-Based Suing Ventures”). I’ll send you a copy if you want.
See you in court, buddy!!!
Kevin Dickinson |
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