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September 28, 2006
The Devil
Hunters
Dear Fellow Devil Hunters,
Finally, solid proof of the Jersey Devil’s existence!
Last month I ventured into the woods with my friends. We were taking a day trip to the Pine Barrens, and everything was going OK until I made a wrong turn onto a dirt road and got lost. You see, I’m so bad with directions that I can’t even drive to a neighboring town with a map, a GPS system, and a tour guide. So it’s no surprise that we were in the middle of nowhere. Soon a shroud of darkness fell over the tall pine trees and we were engulfed in the night. But we made a campfire and fashioned a sturdy tent out of maple leaves and in the morning we were able to drive back home safely.
The next day I saw the Jersey Devil in 7-11 buying a Slurpee! It was cherry, the color of blood! He looked sort of like Bob Saget, but with a horse’s head and a demon’s body. So in reality he looked nothing like Bob Saget. We locked eyes but he paid really quickly and fled out the door! He didn’t even take his change (81 cents).
About a week later, my friends and I were pretty bored after playing the Teletubbies first-person shooter video game for 26 hours straight, so we went up to the Pine Barrens again. This time Bernice drove but she made a wrong turn, just as I did, and landed us on an unmarked dirt road. As we slowly drove the length of this passage we looked in horror upon signposts streaked with the crimson gleam of fresh blood. The signs had inscriptions like “Turn back!” and “Danger!” and “Seriously, turn back now, didn’t you see the other signs?!” A man with no eyes appeared at my car window and yelled something about a monster. But we grew bored of the woods, and shrugged our shoulders and went back home and ate popsicles.
Then the next day I was in Blockbuster, trying to rent Veggie Tales and an adult movie at the same time to see their reaction, when I saw the Jersey Devil in the comedy section! He tried to hide from me but I found him, cowering down beneath Meet the Parents like a child. Luckily I remembered to take out my camera phone, but he ran up to the counter and rented The Out-of-Towners (remake) faster than I had ever seen anyone rent a movie. Before I could snap a picture, he was nowhere to be seen.
Tell me: have there been similar sightings of the Jersey Devil, in which people have described it as looking nothing like Bob Saget? Does the Jersey Devil rent horror movies? I must know! I am going to hunt this creature down, even if it takes me the rest of my life. But it would help to have information from a credible source such as yours.
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson |
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