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July 15, 2006
Chevron Headquarters 6001 Bollinger Canyon Rd. San Ramon, CA 94583
Dear Chevron,
They call me the King of Road Rage! I will stop at nothing to get even with other drivers for even the smallest of annoyances. I pay no attention to police, pedestrians, squirrels, hamsters, gophers, manatees, shopping carts, or wallabies. One day when I was feeling particularly angry, I even gave an old woman a super-mean glance. Imagine the sheer arrogance of it! Ah, I can bask in the memories of my road rage misadventures for days on end.
Last year I was driving on the interstate at 99 miles an hour, minding my own business, when this guy looked at me. I didn’t give him permission or anything. He just decided he could do whatever he wanted. And so did I! For the next 912 miles I tailed him wherever he went. We even ended up in Ohio. But I persisted! That son of a gun was being tailed at 15 feet by the King of Road Rage the entire time!
So anyway, I guess I should get to the point. I was at a Chevron station recently, filling up my tank so I could drive around as angry as possible for extended periods of time, when I saw another driver give me a glance as he was pulling away. This glance was similar to the one I just described, but it reminded me of this other guy I saw one time. So I sped off in hot pursuit, eager to give him a dirty look, or even the evil eye! (They don’t call me the King for no reason.)
About 190 miles later I realized the hose and nozzle from the Chevron gas pump were being dragged down the highway at 78 miles an hour. I am writing to you today, in a super angry mood (for no reason!!!) to see if you wanted it back. I can send it to you in a box, or you can come pick it up at my house. I will have my slingshot and an unkind face waiting for you, should you give me the wrong type of glance.
Let me know what you want to do. For now, I am using it as a lawn decoration.
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson King of Road Rage
P.S. Thanks for the free gas! |
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