December 5, 2006

Representative Jim Saxton

2217 Rayburn House Office Building

Washington, DC 20515-3003

Dear Rep. Saxton,

I am in receipt of your letter of November 29 which describes some sort of complex political plan I did not care to read. What I did read, however, was that your letter was a response to my letter: “Thank you for contacting my office” was the exact wording you used. I never wrote to you, Mr. Saxton! I don’t know what gave you that impression. I did write to Representative Rob Andrews about his Halloween costume in October, and how rumors were spreading of somebody dressing up as Jim Saxton, but I did not write to you directly.

But while I have this letter going, I might as well share my revolutionary proposal with you. It’s nothing much, just something I came up with over lunch the other day (a tuna sandwich salad and Jell-O). My simple proposition (Proposition 17.5 DASH G) eliminates the national deficit, installs indoor plumbing in Alabama, and provides eggplant farms with the funding they need to expand into the growing field of eggplant hydroponics. Here’s how it works:

1.     I send you this letter.

2.     Inspiration compels you to write Proposition 17.5 DASH G.

3.     My eggplant farm gets a hydroponics facility.

What could be wrong with a bill that does so much, so easily? Also, do you like lime Jell-O? I tend to prefer cherry, but the tastes of a respected New Jersey politician may influence my own Jell-O preferences. I will switch to lime if you want me to. Just say the word. And also, please tell me your thoughts on Proposition 17.5 DASH G!

I support you all the way, Mr. Saxton! And I mean that theoretically; I didn’t actually vote for you.

Politically Yours,

Kevin Dickinson

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