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July 22, 2006
Maytag Customer Service 240 Edwards Street Cleveland, TN 37311
Dear Maytag,
I would like to tell you about the most extraordinary experience I had! One week ago my old dryer broke so I rambled over to a Sears and bought a brand new shiny Maytag dryer. It’s so quiet you’d think it has social anxiety disorder. (Does it?) It holds all of my clothes at once! Even my Garfield sheets too.
I used it the first time and was amazed! Never before had I owned a dryer of this caliber (17.5). I was so elated that I ironed and folded every single piece of clothing, even my Batman underpants. I was putting all my clothes away when I noticed I had only one turquoise sock. Usually I have an entire pair of these! So I went back to Harriet (it’s what I call my dryer, even though it’s clearly a male dryer) and looked inside. There was a spiraling blue portal that was cold to the touch! I did what anyone else would do – I stuck my head right into that portal without a second thought.
You will not believe what I saw! There was an entire world filled with socks, frolicking about. A striped gym sock pushed an argyle sock on a tire swing, while children’s socks roamed about the playground. It was like a sock heaven. Then, out of the corner of my eye, was my missing turquoise sock. It stared back at me with a look of intrigue and longing. My sock looked so happy in Sock World that I didn’t want to disturb it, but I also did not want to go around in public wearing one turquoise sock.
Then I had an idea. I went back to my room and got the other turquoise sock and put it through the portal. You should have seen the looks those socks gave me! Sheer euphoria! Tears streamed down my face as they reunited. Then I gathered all of my socks, and I pushed them through the portal in the back of the dryer so that they could be free and happy! I now own no socks, but it’s alright because I know they’re in a better place.
Do you fine folks at Maytag know about Sock World?! Do all Maytag dryers have a spiraling blue portal, similar to the ones in movies but not quite the same?! Please let me know! This is a wonderful thing!
Sockless and proud of it,
Kevin Dickinson |
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