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October 18, 2006
Mattel, Inc. 333 Continental Boulevard El Segundo, CA 90245-5012
Dear Mattel,
At the age of twelve my father bought me a Magic 8-Ball for Christmas. I remember in vivid detail (from the VHS tape) the look of sheer joy on my face when I first saw that toy. It’s the only one I would play with. Sure, my aunts and uncles got me the Easy-Bake Oven and Malibu Barbie. But all I would do is shake that 8-Ball. (Later, my little brother put Malibu Barbie in the Easy-Bake Oven.)
I continue to use the 8-Ball today for all my life’s decisions. I am currently the CFO of a major plastic duck manufacturing company, thanks to the 8-Ball. I shook it in 1998 and said, “Magic 8-Ball, should I take this job?” And it said “Yes.” In 2001 I said “Should I take this company global?” and it said “Don’t Count On It,” so I didn’t. In fact, I never ask a yes/no question without first consulting the 8-Ball. My wife also uses an 8-Ball in her day-to-day life. It’s a good thing it said “Outlook is Good” when I proposed to her, otherwise I’d still be single.
The Magic 8-Ball, which I sometimes call Mildred, but not on Tuesdays, is very reliable. In fact, to prove its loyalty to me I asked it “Should I inhale 5 tanks of helium?” But it answered “Yes,” so I did.
Now I sound like an animated Disney chipmunk. This has been going on for twelve weeks. I went to my doctor but he said there is nothing he can do. It’s heliumitis, and there is no cure. I’m afraid I will have a high-pitched voice for the rest of my life!
How come my 8-Ball was not loyal to me? It’s “magical,” so it should always know the right answer. I would like to know what you, Mattel, will do to rectify the situation. This 8-Ball has betrayed me!
Squeakily,
Kevin Dickinson |
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