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August 18, 2006
Papa John’s Pizza ATTN: Papa John 2100 Market Street Philadelphia, PA 19103
Dear Papa John,
I am very irritated, on the verge of becoming irate! But not furious. It’s not that serious. Still, I am becoming agitated.
A week ago I ate at your restaurant (Papa John’s) and ordered chicken strips and a Coke. I will eat nothing else, do you hear me?! Try feeding me pizza and just see what happens. I will sit there with a childish look of contempt on my face until you take it away.
Anyway, I started to eat when I realized I had a business meeting in the Bahamas at 9pm that same day! Luckily I was in Philly, so I rushed to the airport and got an immediate flight.
Four days later, I returned to your restaurant to find that my food was no longer there. You must understand, it was a very tiring business meeting. Chuck from marketing displayed graph after graph after graph, showing how there has been a steady decline in hermaphrodites in our company’s consumer base since 1982. We sell products mainly geared towards women, but many of our products can be used by both genders. This is why hermaphrodites are important to sales. One of our latest breakthroughs was “DuoColor.” On one end of it there is red lipstick, and on the other end black paint for under a football player’s eyes. We also manufacture the “ManPon” (combination tampon/handgun) and the “Murse,” or Male Purse. Men who have an inner feminine side can now carry a purse without fear of social rejection (there is usually an NFL logo or a skull on the side of Murses).
I apologize for digressing. So where has my food gone? I am fairly hungry. And only chicken strips (nuggets on rare occasions) and Coke can fulfill my needs. Papa John, have you thrown my food away!? I was not done with it!!!
Sincerely Hungry,
Kevin Dickinson CEO, Ambiguously Gender-Oriented Products, LLC |
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