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December 7, 2006
New Jersey Dental Association One Dental Plaza, PO Box 6020 North Brunswick, NJ 08902-6020
Dear NJ Dental Association,
I am one of those children who have been less fortunate this year in the way of dental symmetry. My last two baby teeth, which were coincidentally the two big ones in the front, had been clinging to their home in my gums for as long as they could, trying to prolong their numbered days. I had tried all the classic schemes – tying my teeth to a doorknob and throwing the door out of a fifth-story window, putting the end of a yo-yo string on my teeth and performing complicated tricks, and finally resorting to a pair of pliers and a power drill – but to no avail had these dental plots hatched the way I foresaw them. Finally, the tooth on the left fell out while I was sleeping, but the right one remained intact for an additional four months. It was not until I was hit in the mouth with a baseball last July that the rogue bucktooth was evicted from the incisor apartment between my jaws.
Now, you might be quick to think that the new ones grew in soon afterwards, contributing to a full set of teeth and a healthy smile. But alas, the adult counterparts of my most recently fallen teeth were nowhere to be seen. I waited for several months – up until now, to be precise – and still I have not witnessed any progress in their sprouting from my upper gums. I am beginning to question their very existence, and wonder whether two large pearly whites will ever fill the void I have conveniently labeled my “straw hole.”
I have been a good boy this year, but I don’t think Santa will be willing to bring me two enamel-covered choppers for Christmas. He’ll probably just think I’m some demon child who wants human teeth for a satanic ritual. Besides, his elves specialize in toy making. Thus I send this letter to you, sincerely hoping that a very small portion of your tooth reservoir (I know you have one) will be given to me this holiday season. Your dentists must pull thousands of teeth each year, so I see no harm in recycling just two.
Please send me two (2) front teeth. This is all I want for Christmas this year. Although my current standpoint on girls is that they are yucky, I realize that once I come of age their presence will play a significant role in my life, and that no one will desire my company if I am missing my two front teeth. Please, help a child out this Christmas – the spirit of giving compels you!
Merry Chrishtmash,
Kevin Dickinson |
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