|
|
|
|
|
September 5, 2006
Olive Garden P.O. Box 592037 Orlando, FL 32859-2037
Dear Olive Garden,
I frequent your restaurant and I must say that the food is delectable! With a capital DELECT! Since my first trip to your fabulous restaurant back in 1998 I have been going at least once a week, often with friends, family, the mailman, the telegraph repair man, and microbiologists. I once took a paranormal investigator named Pete, but I will never bring him back. He kept telling the waitress the ghost of his steak was haunting him while he ate. He flung a fork at a nearby family.
I recently took 88 starving African children to eat at Olive Garden. They were visiting America through a very generous program designed to let deprived children all over the world take trips to exotic places (by mistake they were sent to New Jersey). I am taking care of these kids for a week and they are wonderful! They’re always hungry, though. My cabinet is out of Chips Ahoy so I bought Egg McMuffins.
I got to the restaurant, and I realized I brought my Hello Kitty wallet with me. This is a wallet I use for “playtime” and it only has $7.95 in it (and some Monopoly money). But I quickly remedied the situation with my amazing menu-reading skills! I said, “Let me get the Never-Ending Pasta Bowl!!! Only $7.95. Dine-in only. For a limited time.”
You advertised this dish as being endless combinations of pastas and sauces, so I figured one dish could feed all 89 of us. But the waitress refused to serve us all! She said the bowl was for one person, and after they were finished eating it they could have another one. Well, I certainly didn’t “feel like family” at this point! I chucked a spoon towards an adjacent table. I think someone lost an eye.
Well, those starving children were flown back to Africa and all I had to give them was Egg McMuffins (7), Pop-Tarts (19; s’mores), and kielbasa. I would like to know why I was refused never-ending pasta when I ordered the Never-Ending Pasta Bowl. The waitress’s name was Haroldina Georgin.
A Man Without His Pasta,
Kevin Dickinson |
|
|
|
|
