December 22, 2006

Pepsi-Cola North America

700 Anderson Hill Road

Purchase, NY 10577

Dear Pepsi,

Keep up the good work! I drink Pepsi three times a day and I haven’t had tuberculosis in over 4 years now. Is it the carbonation?

I’m writing to you to express my anguish over the fact that Coca-Cola still remains #1 in the cola market. Damn those blasted fiends! But it won’t remain that way for long. No, I have the perfect strategy for Pepsi to win the cola wars for good! Coke sales continue to skyrocket because Santa drinks Coke. Well, in my eyes the only way for you to become #1 is to make a holiday icon of your own.

Ramadan Ron is the perfect character for your company’s image. He’s everyone’s favorite pencil-thin, Pepsi-totin’ party animal! Every day during the month of Ramadan, he slides down the chimney and puts canned foods under the Ramadan shrub! But you can’t eat them until after sunset, unless you’re really hungry. And the best part about him is that he doesn’t eat! That means you don’t have to put milk and cookies by the fireplace.

Ramadan Ron is on a lifelong fast, and his only exception is Pepsi. Wow, he can drink a lot of it! Legend has it, if you leave a bottle of Coke for Ramadan Ron, he will magically change it into a bottle of Pepsi for your drinking pleasure!

So what do you say, Pepsi? I think this is the opportunity of a lifetime. Tell your marketing department. Tell the world!

Not Drinking Coke,

Kevin Dickinson

Looks like the world will never know Ramadan Ron, BUT I got free stuff so it really doesn't matter!

Home