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September 11, 2006
Frank LoBiando 225 Cannon Office Building United States House of Representatives Washington, DC 20515
Dear Señor LoBiando,
I work at an egg hatchery. My boss is ready to fire me because he thinks I don’t know anything about hatching eggs! Well I just happen to be the area’s premier master on raising baby yolks to be full-grown breakfasts. With a little TLC even the most timid of yolks can become a robust scrambled egg by age 1.
Anyway, the reason I am writing you this letter is because the egg hatchery is 25 miles from my house and the morning commute is a killer. If I’m not sitting in bumper-to-bumper traphic (traffic spelled with a “ph” indicates major traffic) I’m stuck behind some old woman going 30 miles per hour in a 45 zone. I leave at 6am on the dot for a 9am job, but I am always late! What am I going to do?
That is when I thought of the most ingenious idea to hit mankind since the waterproof bandage. Why don’t we set speed limits that correspond with road numbers? For example, I take Route 295 to work every day. By enacting certain legislation, you would be helping commuters get to work at 295mph! Every numbered highway would, by law, work this way. There would be no need to look at speed limit signs anymore, and as an added bonus, all the old people could drive slowly to their heart’s content on Route 6.
So what do you say, Representative Frank?! Let’s get this legislation in gear and me to work on time! Let’s hatch this law like a newborn yolk. Let me know what you think. I currently have a petition with over 3 signatures.
Your Loving Constituent,
Kevin Dickinson |
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