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November 28, 2006
United States Equestrian Federation, Inc. 4047 Iron Works Parkway Lexington, KY 40511
Dear USEF,
My friend Piotr and I run a trendy horse fashion business called Spur of the Moment. We cater to horses of all shapes, sizes, and colors, bringing the latest fashions to equine mammals nationwide. Our most popular item is the Bronco Bonnet ($24.99), but many customers have recently taken a liking to our new Colt Cape, a large red cape that gives your horse that “superhero” look you’ve always dreamed of (does not grant the ability to fly). You may also recognize us as the makers of the Stallion Sundress, Mustang Pants, and the Pony Petticoat (now available in robin’s-egg blue).
Now that it’s time to start working on the Spring Catalog, I thought it would be an excellent idea for us to help each other out. If you are willing to sponsor our catalog, we will be willing to plug your business as well. This is like the Victoria’s Secret catalog of horse fashion, minus the teenaged male subscribers (although we do get a few). I was thinking that our products would carry a new “USEF Certification” and you could dress your horses in our elegant garments at your shows. I do not deem money necessary in this transaction – the exchange of our services to one another should suffice as payment.
Our Spring Line features an assorted assortment of new horse attire in many colorful colors. Such items as the Frilly Saddle, Glow-in-the-dark Horseshoes, and the Sequined Harness will be sold alongside a trendy new line of equestrian clothes. Our slogan is “Spur of the Moment: Give your horse some clothes.” Piotr thought this up, but I think it’s stupid. He never was too skilled at creating slogans. Our last business, which sold small vehicles to disabled chickens, had the slogan “When you want your disabled chicken to have a vehicle, get it from us.” Assisted Poultry Mobility Solutions, L.L.C. went under in just five days. I don’t like to think about it. Stop reminding me!
Anyway, you can reach me at the above address. I expect to hear back from you before the end of January, so we can stamp that guarantee on all of our pages. With a reputation like ours, you’ll see a 14% increase in marginal quarterly profits and a 9% drop in your dollar-to-horse ratio. My accountant made that up, so don’t ask me what it means. Because I don’t know.
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson Spur of the Moment Equestrian Fashion |
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