|
|
|
|
|
August 29, 2006
Chief Justice John Roberts Supreme Court of the United States One First Street N.E. Washington, DC 20543
Dear Mr. Chief Justice,
I am about to present a very controversial issue to you. This case requires your full attention (should you choose to accept it).
Approximately one year ago my friend Hugo Ramirez bet me $5 I couldn’t down a gallon of milk in under an hour. The bet was on! I took on the challenge knowing the $5 would be mine soon enough.
I took “baby steps,” drinking 1/4 gallon every 15 minutes. This was working fine for me, until I had to take a trip to the bathroom. The clock was ticking! Every second mattered and I hardly had time for trivial bathroom breaks.
But I got back to drinking that milk, and just as the egg timer rung at the 60-minute mark, I had the last sip of milk in my mouth. “YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!” I exclaimed, followed by a long belch. “That $5 is MINE!” I was dreaming of the infinite possibilities of what I could buy with my $5!!
But silly Hugo Ramirez, he had to argue with me. He said I lost the bet because the entire gallon of milk had to be in my stomach, not in my mouth, by the 60-minute mark. I had to disagree, stating that as long as the milk was somewhere in my body, I won the bet.
I want to know what the Constitution says about this. Can the last sip of milk be fully enclosed in the mouth, or must it be in the stomach at the end of the hour?! How about the throat? And is there an amendment allotting “extra time” for a bathroom break? (A gallon is a lot of liquid)
Please let me know about this issue. I have been rejected by 12 different courts, including the New Jersey Supreme Court, so I thought it would be best to take this matter to the highest authority. I still do not have my $5.
Sincerely,
Legal Owner of $5? |
|
|
|
|
