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October 12, 2006
Annie sez 748 Route 73 South Marlton, NJ 08053
Dear Annie sez,
I want to buy a dress for my wife. This dress is not for me; it is for my wife (see first sentence). I am not going to wear this dress, along with a pearl necklace, while vacuuming the family room. I will not be doing this while singing “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun,” which, coincidentally, is my wife’s favorite song, not mine. This dress is for my wife, who, unlike me, wears dresses.
I am a very masculine man. I do manly things, like mow the lawn in my underwear and lift 5,000 lb. weights. I eat raw cows for breakfast and watch Monday Night Football every night. Therefore, I am not the kind of person who would wear a dress. Also, do you sell hosiery? I am a size Q, but this does not matter, since it is for my wife, not me. If you don’t believe me, I can send you a copy of our marriage license. My wife and I have been married for 11.9 years. She tells people it’s been twelve but that is mathematically incorrect.
If you could please tell me your store hours, that would be great so I can go buy a dress (it’s not for me). Again, I will most certainly not be walking a small poodle around the neighborhood while wearing this dress. The poodle will not have her nails painted.
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson
P.S. Are you hiring? I need a new job. (But it’s my wife who is asking.) |
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