|
|
|
|
|
August 29, 2006
Great Basin National Park 100 Great Basin National Park Baker, Nevada 89311
Dear Great Basin National Park,
For my family, the “family vacation” is an annual tradition that has been followed for over a century. Back in 1882 my great-great grandfather Kevin McCallister decided to take his family to a confetti factory in Georgia, and since that fateful summer my family has traveled somewhere every August.
This summer I took my family to Great Basin National Park to admire the beautiful landscapes and to view the Milky Way Galaxy in the unpolluted sky at night. We also brought along Cousin Ernest. At first, I was skeptical. Two summers ago Cousin Ernest came with us to Spain and he ended up destroying a small village. He’s a little on the “special” side, but my wife persuaded me to take him along again. He wears a turquoise, inside-out baseball cap, rainbow knee-high socks, and a kilt. He doesn’t get out much; in fact, the last time he went anywhere was with us to Spain.
To preserve tradition, my family and I drive to our destination, no matter how far. Besides, there are terrorists and snakes on planes these days. But Ernest bothered me for the entire ride. With him saying things like “Are we there yet?” and “Chocolate tastes like purple,” I was ready to throw him out the window.
We finally arrived, and I was at the end of my patience. I was imagining myself duct-taping his mouth shut and tying him to a chair in our basement. Ah, good times. But I digress!
During our stay in your park, my family and I had a picnic out in the wilderness. It was a beautiful day and things could not have been going any better. But as I turned away from my food for ten seconds to tell Ernest to shut up, my sandwich was stolen by a hawk! It was my favorite sandwich, too: banana and bologna on stale rye bread. I thought about eating the sandwich reserved for Ernest, when suddenly Ernest was mauled by several mountain lions! We had to rush him to the hospital and the doctors say he only has a 10% chance of living!!!
I am writing you today to inquire about your park policies. Do they include the reimbursement of sandwiches stolen by large hawks? If so, I would like to be reimbursed for my banana and bologna on stale rye. Hmm… there was something else I was going to ask… ah, never mind. I forget. Please let me know about your policy on sandwiches acquired by your wildlife.
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson |
|
|
|
|
