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August 15, 2006
Kohl’s Department Stores N56 W17000 Ridgewood Drive Menomonee Falls, WI 53051
Dear Kohl’s,
I live under a giant rock, so that I may bar myself from all popular culture. You may hear me saying things like, “Justin Timberlake – who’s that?” and “What’s an MP3?” I sincerely do not know what these things are. I have never even heard of Justin Timberlake.
I have been living under a rock for the better part of the century (not that I keep track of time), listening to jazzy tunes on my gramophone or reading about President Truman (rumor has it he is going to drop some sort of explosive on Japan). I am doing this because I want to eventually emerge into the world of the future, like Brendan Fraser in Blast From the Past (which I have never heard of). Who is Brendan Fraser anyway?
But to get straight to the point, I believe I am finally ready to see the world! I am sure it is filled with fine automobiles that can travel over 50 miles an hour, machines that can add numbers for you, and maybe even televisions with colors! I am very frightened about this, but also confident that I will feel at home. I can adapt quickly to different environments and I embrace change like a long-lost son (or like a hundred dollar bill I am holding on a windy day).
I am writing to you to inquire about your clothing. In the future (now), people are probably wearing space suits and such. I am currently wearing clothing from the past and need to update my style to fit in. Send me a catalog, or some future clothing, or something, to my giant rock (at above address).
Thank you, and I look forward to your response. It will help facilitate my transition into THE FUTURE! Not that I have heard of your store or anything.
From the Past,
Kevin Dickinson |
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