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December 22, 2006
Fiji Water 11444 W. Olympic Blvd. Suite 210 Los Angeles, CA 90064
Dear Fiji,
I was reading about how your water comes from an artesian aquifer in the remote Yaqara Valley of Viti Levu, at the edge of a primitive rainforest in Fiji. As impressed as I am, I am not satisfied with the price. Every time I buy Fiji, my wallet cries! The tears roll down my pants and it looks like I had an accident.
Listen, what you guys need is a holiday character that endorses Fiji water! That way, sales will skyrocket and you can lower the price. Then I will not have to change my pants. We all know that the Coca-Cola company is responsible for Santa’s modern image. But you can go a step further and create an icon of your own, with Jerry the Hanukkah Fairy!
Jerry the Chanukah Fairy is everyone’s favorite Hanukah-related fairy. Watch out! He drinks a lot of Fiji water. “Mmm, refreshing,” he says with a smile as he waves his magic wand at his kneecaps and flies upside-down through your chimney. And unlike Santa, he can fly without reindeer and he comes eight days in a row! Well, technically he can’t fly, ever since he lost his wings in a tragic menorah-lighting accident. So be nice to him and leave milk and matzo bread by the fireplace!
As the legend goes, Jerry Goldstein was eating a jelly donut when a small boy brought him a dreidel and a bottle of Fiji water, and instantly the holiday spirit grew within him and he sprouted wings! He became Jerry the Hahnnuka Fairy! He was so happy that he decided to deliver Fiji water to all the good Jewish boys and girls, and to this day he will come light your menorah for you when you are sleeping.
What do you think of Jerry the Channukkahh Fairy? It’s ingenious! Fiji water deserves its own holiday icon. Get your marketing team on this STAT! (now)
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson Fiji Drinker |
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