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September 2, 2006
PetSmart, Inc. Attn: Customer Service 19601 N. 27th Ave. Phoenix, AZ 85027
Dear PetSmart,
My Burmese Hapshire is the talk of the town. He does all sorts of tricks. His name is Wendy (I found out it was a male dog five years after I named him that). Wendy is very obedient. His mother Snookums was a Bangladesh Terrier and his father (name withheld) was a Siamese Laprat. I walk Wendy around the neighborhood and my neighbors always comment on his shiny coat (“You could swab a rutabaga on that coat,” they say).
My neighbors are insane. They do silly things, like squirt water on their lawns with a long, green tube and park their cars in giant, concrete rectangles in their yard. I have one of these rectangles too, but I don’t use it. (it came with the house) One old lady even knits sweaters on her front porch. It makes me shutter. I don’t want these people near Wendy, my Russian Spaniel.
When people come in from out of town, I don’t want them to think I’m insane. So I put on my straitjacket and run around screaming things about the Pope. This is so that normal people (like myself) can distinguish me from the insane neighbors. Sometimes my neighbor Oscar Lexus wants to pet Wendy, my Barcelonian Shepherd. It gives me the jitters.
I was wondering if anything could be done to protect my Argentinian Bull-Terrier Wendy from the crazy people in my community. Is there something at PetSmart I can buy to keep them off my lawn? If so, please let me know. Do you sell invisible fences? How about ones that are used for shocking people. Please write with details!
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson and Wendy (a Scottish Retriever mix) |
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