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August 10, 2006
Feld Entertainment, Inc. Attn: Human Resources Dept. 8607 Westwood Center Drive Vienna, VA 22182
Dear Feld Entertainment,
I would like a job with the Barnum & Bailey circus. I call myself “The Incredible Plate Head,” while friends use nicknames like “loser” and “freak.” Perhaps they are not friends at all. But I digress.
Several years ago, I was hard at work making a sculpture of Ross Perot, using only candied yams and rusted shrapnel from the Civil War. I was building it atop the highest hill in my town, for all to see! I was so immersed in the sculpting process that I did not notice a massive thunderstorm brewing above, and soon enough I was struck by lightning. Three hours later I awoke in a hospital (I was rescued by my step-brother Harriet) with over 2 doctors looking at me. After one of the doctors was informed of what happened, he said “well, the only logical thing to do is put a plate in his head.” I still have not ascertained a cause for this medical procedure. I think I saw the doctor laughing.
But here I am today, 7 years later, picking up radio signals from around the world! By concentrating on a country, I can pick up its radio waves – music, news, secret enemy transmissions. Too bad I wasn’t around when Truman was President (because I could have used my funny radio signal ability to distract him from the war).
I would like to be a part of your fine circus. I think my unique skill will draw crowds from near and far! And some from in between. My metal plate is simply amazing! I can also attract electricity, distort television signals, and even toast bread (using a standard toaster). Let me know when I can start!
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson “The Incredible Plate Head” |
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