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July 15, 2006
Good Humor-Breyers 909 Packerland Drive Green Bay, WI 54303
Dear Breyers,
What happened to Creamed Corn Crunch ice cream?! You know, the old Triple C? Remember, the package had three yellow C’s on the front. What happened to it? Did you stop making it or something? Because it’s not in its normal spot at the supermarket, and the manager there said he hasn’t seen it for a couple of weeks!!!
My next door neighbor Ethel Flibbert comes to my house on a daily basis because she thinks I’m a famous celebrity. She calls me Harry Prescott. Have you heard of this guy? I certainly haven’t. Says I’m a major movie star and she won’t go away until I finally persuade her with Breyers Creamed Corn Crunch ice cream. Now that I have run out and cannot restock my supply of CCC, she will not go away! “Oh, you were good in that movie, The Wren. You were ever so convincing as a homeless detective!” I don’t even think that’s a real movie. Ethel is 92 years old and has been forgetting to take her medication. I keep telling her to leave me alone, but she will NOT go away unless I give her Creamed Corn Crunch ice cream.
Please help, Breyers! I don’t know what to do anymore. Even as I write this letter, she is sitting at my side creeping me out. She just asked me about a supporting actor in some movie called Ricky Porter. She is senile! I have no Triple-C ice cream!
Even if you have ONE carton left, I will pay lots of money for it. I will do anything! Just send it in the mail with a bill and I’ll pay whatever you charge. Just make Ethel Flibbert go away!
Going Insane,
Kevin Dickinson (or Harry Prescott?) |
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The mention of Ms. Flibbert's name in this
response once again made me shudder with fear. |
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August 10, 2006
Good Humor-Breyers 909 Packerland Drive Green Bay, WI 54303
Dear Breyers,
I recently wrote to you regarding my neighbor, Ethel Flibbert, and how she is a senile old woman who thinks I’m a celebrity and won’t go away until I give her Creamed Corn Crunch Ice Cream.
In your response you indicated that you never produced such a product. Silly me! I was thinking of your Orange Peel Eggplant Supreme™ flavor. But don’t worry, I found it at Shop Rite and I’ve stocked up.
What does concern me, however, is the coupon you so generously sent me along with your letter. To the untrained eye, the coupon says $1.00 off any Breyers product. But if you look at the 1 closely, it might be a 7! $7.00 off is a great deal! But I don’t want to look like a fool at the supermarket. The coupon has no bar code, so there is no way of determining its actual value simply by ringing it up.
I DO NOT want to be in the checkout line, arguing over whether it’s a 1 or a 7. I must be certain! I have a reputation to protect! Orange Peel Eggplant Supreme™ is my favorite flavor!
I am enclosing said coupon with this letter. Please let me know its exact value. Thank you!! (I am also enclosing a copy of my original letter in case you no longer have it.)
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson
enc: “1 or 7 dollars off coupon” |
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