September 21, 2006

Betty Crocker

c/o General Mills, Inc.

P.O. Box 9452

Minneapolis, MN 55440

Dear Betty Crocker,

A warm fire snaps, crackles, and pops like Rice Krispies™ on a cold winter night. Friends and family are gathered together and the familiar smell of a delicious turkey in the oven fills the house. But who needs all that when you can have Thanksgiving in a Tube? That’s right! I, Kevin Dickinson, inventor of the ever-popular Frozen Beef Cube, have come up with an amazing new product! Tubular Foods, by Betty Crocker. All the licensing rights are yours: I am in it for the delicious taste, not for the money. They’re TUBULAR!

With Tubular Foods, just heat, snip, and go! Pop it in Señor Microwave, snip off the tip, and enjoy Thanksgiving in 30 seconds! All the mouth-watering tastes of Thanksgiving dinner are now available in an easy-to-eat, on-the-go, mess-free tube form! Enjoy Thanksgiving dinner on your way home from lunch. Eat it while rollerblading for real “fast food!” Or, for the truly daring, Thanksgiving in a Tube is easy enough to eat while bungee-jumping!

Consisting of real turkey, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, candied yams, yam candies, corn, green beans, garlic bread, artificial gravy substitute, and FD&C Yellow #5, Thanksgiving in a Tube is made using the finest industrial blender and is puréed into a tasty liquid form. Now that Thanksgiving dinner takes 30 seconds, you can spend more time doing what you really love to do (world insect data enumeration).

But wait! Tubular Foods has more to offer. With such products as “Hummus in a Tube,” “Tube-o-Tofu,” “Squeezable Lunch,” and for dessert, “Tiramisu in a Tube,” Tubular Foods are sure to be an instant classic. To speed up those long, boring Sundays there’s even “Communion in a Tube!” The bread and wine are right in there.

Please let me know what you think of my ingenious idea. Remember, I want no royalties from this. I dislike money very much. I would, however, like to know when this will go into production. You’d better get moving if this is going to be on the market by Thanksgiving!

Sincerely,

Kevin Dickinson

Inventor, Tubular Foods

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