|
|
|
|
| Suggestion by Ashley Bruschi |
|
|
Kraft Foods, Inc. December 18, 2007 Dear Kraft, When I think of camels, I think of Egypt, and specifically all the hard work those diligent camels did to build the pyramids. Haha! I’m only kidding. I’m well aware that the Egyptians used giraffes to get those stone blocks to the top of the stack. While we’re speaking of camels and giraffes, I’d like to address a very serious issue with your Barnum’s Animal Crackers regarding camels and giraffes. It may seem trivial to your Board of Box Changer People, but the decision to replace the esteemed giraffe on the front of the box with a lowly camel is not one I can agree with. My family and I compose a traveling circus. You should see my baby daughter! She can already backflip from a flaming trapeze, through a flaming hoop, into a tiny glass of water 232 feet below! Plus she has a beard. Our circus has two giraffes, Heroditus and Bob, who are ashamed to show their spotted necks in the center ring anymore because they feel they’re no longer loved. Whose fault is that, you say? Why, it’s yours! We circus-folk subsist on animal crackers, so the giraffes see the Barnum’s boxes every day. When their likeness was removed to make way for a spitting, cud-chewing, hump-bestowed desert monster, sulking became a regular activity for them. In case you don’t know, sulking giraffes are very dangerous. They hang their heads low and knock everything over. Heroditus is a female. We didn’t know until after we gave her a male name. Now she’s ashamed of the animal cracker box, too. Please change it back! We can’t carry on this way. No one comes to our circus anymore, despite us having a bearded acrobatic infant girl (the only one in New Jersey!). They want to see the giraffes! Plus, what kind of circus ever had camels? None, I tell you. I also don’t like eating miniature camel effigies (tastiness aside), and I am forced to sift meticulously through entire herds of animal crackers just to remove the crunchy desert-wanderers. On behalf of Heroditus and Bob, and for the sake of this circus (and this family!), please bring back the giraffe on the Barnum’s box! Many people and animals depend on it! Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson P.S. In the spirit of change, please make the box red again. Green is NOT the color of successful circuses! And I know because we had a green circus one time. And it failed. |
|
|
I drew a turkey on the envelope (for no reason). |
|
I wonder if Kim McMiller is tired of me by now. She has answered ALL of my Kraft letters. |
|
|
