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Target 4 Centerton Road Mount Laurel, NJ 08054
April 30, 2007
Dear Target,
I would like to register a complaint to the Head of the Complaint Department. I was arrested in your store last Saturday. I tried to do the cashier a favor but had to pay a gigantic fine and see my dignity ripped into pieces. I was all over the parking lot trying to gather the shreds in the wind.
I came into your store looking for a pogo stick and a quiver. I am trying to learn to shoot arrows at moving targets (for defense) but I can’t seem to find moving targets anywhere. So I am jumping up and down on a pogo stick and shooting things around the neighborhood. I am getting fairly accurate and I don’t hit that many cars or people these days.
I got my pogo stick and my quiver and proceeded to the checkout area. As the cashier rung up my purchases, I noticed she was frowning. “What’s wrong?” I inquired. She then informed me that her snake ran away, and that her lizard was shot with an arrow.
I felt bad for her, and wanted whoever shot her lizard to pay. I knew I couldn’t do much, but decided to do her a favor. When she was done ringing up the pogo stick and quiver, I said “That’s OK… I won’t charge you for this.” Then I walked out the door and was tackled by a burly police officer with a coffee-stained mustache. My wallet and I suffered internal injuries.
Of course, America is impatient these days and everyone pushes and shoves to get what they want. But has the adversity of this situation grown to such proportions as to prevent gestures of goodwill? Was I wrong to show sympathy for a fellow human being who had suffered a tragic loss? And who would have such a sick mind as to shoot a lizard with an arrow?
I write today to inform you that I shall be granting no more favors to despondent cashiers at your store. This is partly because your corporate policy apparently does not permit “nice” customers, and partly because I was banned from your store for the rest of my life. They even said my future grandchildren could not cross the threshold without legal consequences (in the future). Please tell your upper management in the Complaint Dept. that this HAS TO CHANGE. Thank you.
Sincerely,
KeViN DiCkInSoN (name scrambled for anonymity) |
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