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Attention Deficit Disorder Association September 27, 2007 Dear Attention Deficit Disorder Association, I was wondering if you could send me some literature on ADD (“Attention Deficit Disorder”). I think I may have it, but I’m not sure. I was taking an online quiz to find out, but before I saw my results I clicked on a “free iPod” banner ad and lost my progress. I forgot what the quiz website was. How do I know if I have ADD? The other day at work, Miles brought us all cupcakes for Henrietta’s birthday. They were delicious! But back to ADD: do I have it? How do I tell? Did you know that ducks fly south for the winter? I mean, how south can they possibly go? I know some ducks in Cherry Hill and boy, is it far to the South Pole. Do their wings get tired? If you were me, the other day at work, would you have eaten a chocolate or a vanilla cupcake. I am just wondering. Anyway, how would I go about getting literature on Attention Deficit… hey! there’s a praying mantis on my window! Oh my God! I never see those! Did you know it’s a federal offense to kill them? They’re endangered. I love when praying mantises (manti?) are on my window. Please tell me, is manti a word? Also, please send me some concrete information here. I tried to find out if I have ADD by using your website, but there are so many links and I get distracted. I think manti is a word, now that I consider it. I really do. I mean, doesn’t manti just sound like a word? There are those words that just sound like words. If it isn’t, it should be. Do you agree? How do I contact the MLA? I’m guessing they’re the ones responsible for making up new words and entering them into the dictionary. I have a really thick dictionary downstairs, but it’s super heavy and whenever I’m looking up a word there are like a skillion pages and I lose track of what word I was looking up. So: manti, ducks, chocolate or vanilla, dictionary people, and ADD brochure. I need all this information. Preferably soon because my cousin Bernice is coming over and she’s a clinical something-or-other who can give me pills. Bernice has a nice haircut. Do you think the name Bernice has anything to do with the words “Ber” and “nice”? Ber is not a word, though. What do you think it would mean? If it was.
Sincerely,
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This response sucks! It's not even on official stationery, it's a nameless form letter, and it lacks an actual human signature. Maybe, though, this is because they had a hard time focusing? |
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