Peter Pan Bus Lines

Corporate Headquarters

PO Box 1776

Springfield, MA 01102-1776

February 19, 2007

Dear Peter Pan Bus Lines,

I’m not too sure I want to ride your buses anymore. I recently learned that Peter Pan peanut butter has been contaminated with salmonella, and I think there might be a link between the delicious spread and the transportation service.

If I ride your buses, will I get salmonella? I’ll bet the salmonella is sitting there on the bus seats, waiting for its next victim to sit down. But I, my friends, have prepared in advance with: a pair of pants. I’m almost certain that the bacteria cannot penetrate a layer of denim, not to mention my Hanes underwear, so I will most likely be safe. But I just wanted to make sure.

Before I set foot on a Peter Pan bus again, I would like written proof that the buses are safe as long as I am wearing pants. Also, which kinds of pants are not suitable, i.e. the ones that salmonella can penetrate? Do I have to wear jeans, or can they be corduroys? How about Dockers? And is underwear all that necessary?

Thank you for your assistance, and I can assure you I will no longer ride your bus lines without any pants. I know this outbreak is not your fault, but I am taking giant strides of safety (pants) to assure my well-being.

Sincerely,

Kevin Dickinson

Who is Wearing Pants

P.S. Should I wash my jeans after riding your bus?

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