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Nabisco c/o Kraft Foods Inc. Three Lakes Drive Northfield, IL 60093
July 24, 2007
Dear Nabisco,
For many years I have been using your Ritz crackers as miniature Frisbees. But recently I made the shocking discovery that they are actually not aerodynamic backyard toys, but rather a delicious food. This is a bit reassuring because now I know all the ones my dog has ingested over the years have been totally safe. Right?
I was wondering for the longest time why they were so small. I’ve seen novelty Frisbees before, but they at least had that curved grip that made them easier to throw. But Ritz brand Frisbees are so tiny that it’s nearly impossible to chuck them across your backyard with precision! However, I’ve since developed a masterful technique to achieve the greatest distance.
Lots of people have been playing miniature Frisbee with me. They also did not know that the small disc they had been throwing and catching was really a cracker. Perhaps something should be done about this! Maybe you should consider changing the shape so it’s not confusing. I’ve already taken the liberty of thinking of some alternate shapes for the Ritz cracker that, like the circle, would not work because they could be mistaken for something else:
Square: mini Post-It note, every other cracker Triangle: fragile guitar pick, unsuccessful weapon 22-pointed star: okay, this would not be confused with anything, but they would all break in the box
Thank you for hearing me out. It’s just difficult to live in a world where any kind of outdoor recreational toy can turn out to be an edible compliment to pea soup.
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson
P.S. Do you think the square Frisbee would be popular? What about the 22-pointed star Frisbee?
P.P.S. No, that would probably hurt. |
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