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Aflac Worldwide Headquarters 1932 Wynnton Road Columbus, GA 31999
August 22, 2007
Dear Aflac,
Let me start by saying I AM REALLY SORRY. I did not mean to do what I did and I apologize for my actions. Again, I truly regret what happened yesterday. I am so sorry.
I think I killed your duck. I was out hunting (for ducks) when I heard a loud quack! I aimed my rifle and shot it three times (just to make sure). I was out in a marsh and the weeds were high and it was foggy and I couldn’t really see too well.
But when I finally found the mallard I had shot, there was an envelope floating in the water next to it. My mind shot back one minute prior – to the quack – and I remembered in a clear recollection that it had not been a quack at all, but rather the distinct sound of a duck yelling “AFLAC!”
I panicked. My heart skipped a beat. I thought of running into the distance, into the foggy void, never to think about this moment again. But I realized running would only cloud my dreams and haunt my memories for all eternity. I could not live with such a painful secret.
That’s why I’m writing this letter. I jut had to tell you the straight facts – to let you know that the star of your commercials has been murdered. But I assure you, as both a professional hunter and a TV watcher, that my seemingly unforgivable actions were carried out mistakenly. I thought I was dealing with a regular Joe Schmoe duck.
Moreover, the death of your mascot was not in vain. His life was a proud, colorful, obnoxious tribute to your wonderful insurance company.
May he rest in peace.
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson Duck Hunter |
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