Congressman Rob Andrews

2439 Rayburn House Building

Washington, DC 20515

 

April 3, 2007

 

Dear Congressman Andrews,

 

I was wondering if I could get an internship with you. I want to be the next Congressman Andrews. Is there even an internship program? I will do great things and have a suave haircut, just like you. I will pass legislation and have shiny teeth. How do I go about getting an internship? Do you have a Rob Andrews Internship Program Official Application Form G-12? Is there an online application?


Is this a paid internship? If so, I don’t care. It’s not about the money, you see. It’s about becoming the next Rob Andrews. I will attend Congressional hearings and wear expensive suits. I will travel the country making speeches and I will clip my ear hair in the morning. When I have ear hair, of course. Right now I don’t. But I’m just saying. (Not that you have ear hair.)

 

What kinds of important Congressional tasks does this internship require of me? Will I be giving speeches about abortion and the allocation of monies? What is the allocation of monies? Do I get a free tie, or should I bring my own? If yes, is a clip-on acceptable? Sorry about all the questions, but I need to be learning if I’m going to be the next Rob Andrews. Do you care if I change my name to Kevin Andrews? How about Rob Andrews? (If people say “Oh, you’re that Congressman Rob somebody,” I’ll just say, “No, no. Rob Andrews is a great man. I’m just Rob Andrews.”)

 

So, when can I start, and do I get a raise on the $20K we discussed? My lack of experience in the “political arena” is certainly compensated by my monster skills in the “paper delivery arena.” In essence, paper delivery is just like politics! I deliver papers to people in the morning, just like Congressmen pass laws. It’s all the same if you ask me.

 

Please let me know where my official parking spot is. I don’t want to park in yours, because you are a great man with a great parking spot. What should my first speech to the President be about? Can I call you Robbie? Let me know about all this stuff. Robbie.

 

 

 

Sincerely,

 

Kevin Dickinson

Rob Andrews’ Newest Intern!

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