Representative Rob Andrews

2439 Rayburn House Office Building

Washington, D.C. 20515

June 9, 2007

Dear Representative Andrews,

My friend Craig is an expert on child rearing and assists couples in naming babies. He has a pet pig (“Piggy”). I would find it humorous if I let Piggy go “by accident” one day, after which Craig would spend countless hilarious hours putting up wanted posters, driving around the neighborhood screaming out his window, and contacting the police.

But it would be even funnier if my prank was backed by an official holiday. I really don’t want to wait until April Fools’ Day rolls around, so I was wondering if you could push some legislation for July Fools’ Day. This would be the same concept, only it would be July 1 instead of in April. That way, when Craig sits down to a nice ham dinner, and I say “Hey! I found Piggy!” and point to his plate, I can just say “July Fools’!!!!!” to prevent any ensuing violence.

I think I’ll hide Piggy for 1 week and then invite him over for that dinner I described. Isn’t this the funniest prank ever??? After Craig finds out he’s eating his own pet, I can say “July Fools’ again!!! That’s a different pig you’re eating. Piggy is right over there!” Then I will lead him to the freezer where I have stored Hamsicles as an after-dinner palate cleanser.

What do you think about my holiday? How long does legislation of this caliber usually take? Can I vote for you in the presidential election?

Unrelated question. There are 2 separate constitutional amendments that grant women and African-Americans voting privileges. If I were an African-American woman, could I vote twice? Also, where can I find a good plastic surgeon?

Love,

Kevin Dickinson

Your Constituent

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