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LasikPlus Vision Center 303 Fellowship Road Suite 100 Mt. Laurel, NJ 08054
September 6, 2007
Dear LasikPlus,
This may be an unusual request. I am not your typical “Bad-Vision Joe” who writes to you asking about laser eye surgery. In fact, I may have the world’s best eyesight. You see, I’ve spent time in jail for my eyesight. It’s that good. I used to read credit card numbers from thirty feet away, then use them online for things like silly hats, and accessories for silly hats. I had quite a collection of silly hats, and whoa were there a lot of accessories!
When I was in jail, and even when I was on parole, I thought I wanted nothing more than to return to a normal lifestyle. But I was wrong! Normal is boring! I miss my silly hats! While I will never go back to being a criminal (this is partly because of a promise I made to Judge Whatshisface), I can’t foresee myself just lying around, eating potato chips, like normal people do.
What kind of lasers do you use for LasikPlus corrective vision surgery? How much do they cost? I’m looking to get two of them installed near my retinas, so I can shoot lasers from my eyes. Did you ever want to burn a piece of paper, say, some incriminating evidence, from far away? That’s kind of how I feel right now, except I promise not to burn any incriminating evidence or anything. I’ll mainly use my laser vision for fun, doing fun things like lighting someone’s cigarette from across the room or heating up a burrito (are there settings on this laser?).
So, please let me know about the following things:
Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing back from you.
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson FORMER convict |
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