Lowe’s Home Improvement

2834 Route 73 N

Maple Shade, NJ 08052

April 2, 2007

Dear Lowe’s,

My son just turned 10, which means I have to start bonding with him by showing him how to do manly stuff. I was thinking about building a birdhouse with him, or maybe teaching him to reupholster the furniture. But then it occurred to me: I have no idea how to do manly stuff. However, I need to teach him quickly so he doesn’t grow up to be a fashion designer!!!

I need to buy several things from your store, but I want to find out whether you carry them before I make the trip. First off, I need one of those things you push across the grass to make it shorter. (A lawn reducer?) I might also want to purchase several of those thingamajigs people use to drive metal spikes into the walls (to hang paintings). I will need some widgets (who doesn’t?) and some various metal things that would sit in the garage. I would say, “Oh, we can fix that, son. Let me just get a brassin rumple clip from the garage.” Or, “Hey, looks like your wall caved in. Wait here while I find a Grimmel-Laprich fastener.” I will need some speckle to put on the walls. And a speckled brush to apply the speckle.

Also do you sell red paint? My daughter has outgrown her pink Barbie convertible but I’m thinking it will make a great “new” Christmas present for my son.

Please let me know about: the lawn reducer; the nail hitter; widgets; lots of small, misshapen metal things; and speckle. Thank you for helping out a dad whose son got 44^th place in the science fair. I look forward to shopping at LOWE’S HOME IMPROVEMENT.

Sincerely,

Kevin Dickinson

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